bardo

हस्ती अपनी है बीच में पर्दा,
हम न होवें तो फिर हिजाब कहाँ
- मीर

Autobiography In Five Chapters (Portia Nelson)

1) I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost ... I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

2) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

3) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit.
My eyes are open
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

4) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

5) I walk down another street.

चंद तस्वीर-ए-बुतां, चंद हसीनों के खुतूत ?

Let us start with some Meer ...

दिल गया, रुसवा हुआ, आखिर को सौदा हो गया |
इस दो रोज़ा ज़ीस्त में, हमपर भी क्या क्या हो गया ||

इश्क़ करते हैं उस परी-सू से |
'मीर' साहब भी क्या दिवाने हैं?

मीरजी! राज़े इश्क़ होगा फाश |
चश्म हर लहजा मत पुरआब करो ||

...and now the नामौज़ू मिसराs


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and of course

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so essentially;

हम हुए तुम हुए की मीर हुए,
उनकी नज़रों के सब असीर हुए |

अक़्ल-o-नफस

वफादारी, बशारत-ए इस्तेवारी असल ईमान है,
अगर मर जाये बुत-खाने तोह घरहो काबे में बरहमन को |

- ग़ालिब

कहें क्या जो पूछे कोई हम से मीर

Maanu chacha(Humanyun Zafar Zaidi)passed away the dawn after Diwali. I had met him twice. Once when he stopped over in Chandigarh with his family, en route from Shimla to Delhi. And second, when he came to visit Baba after the femur fracture fiasco. All I remember of the first meeting was that our terrace was completely lined with wet clothes the night the Zaidi clan arrived. And that his sons broke quite a few knobs in our house, across product categories with aplomb. The second meeting was more sober, and I recall reciting Iqbal's Shikwa and receiving appreciation.
We went for his चालीसवें की मजलिस yesterday. One of the best I have ever attended. Meer intertwined with Khayyam, Saadi and Sura-e-Ya.Sin. Kosher-ly sinful. I also found out that chacha was a shaayar himself -
मैं बात करता रहूँगा नए ज़माने की,
मेरे मिज़ाज से पैग़म्बरी न जायेगी |

It was a day well spent. And I'm back on desk thoroughly infatuated. Meer it is.


फ़कीराना आये सदा कर चले
मियां ख़ुश रहो हम दुआ कर चले |

जो तुझ बिन ना जीने को कहते थे हम
सो इस अहद को अब वफ़ा कर चले |

baby steps

so the run did not help much. i was expecting it to distill my emotions. get everything sorted out. raising expectations has its own charms and falls. i fall. you charm.
funny thoughts come when you run long enough. kambakht ishq will end up being our last visit to the cinema. if this is not a joke, what is?
being stuck in the second gear is worth experiencing. one finds out a lot about ones own self. the hidden demons. the raw anger. and the infinite patience.
"learn a new language" she says. i'm having a tough time unlearning the ones i thought i knew!

nusrat's voice is ever comforting:
"वोह जो कल तुम्हारे थे, वोह गुज़र गए जां से,
यह ज़रा बताओ तो, आज किस की बारी है! "

but, we shall overcome.